


Love in Literacy

by swagmaster20



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Awkward First Times, Awkward Romance, Bisexual Female Character, Canon Non-Binary Character, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Levi Ackerman Needs a Hug, Levi Ackerman is in Denial, Librarians, Mild Smut, Oblivious Levi Ackerman, POV Levi Ackerman, Romance, Shy Levi Ackerman, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Dancing, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-25 04:53:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30083745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swagmaster20/pseuds/swagmaster20
Summary: A fluffy, slowburn fic in which you teach Levi Ackerman how to read.(MAYBE SMUT IN LATER CHAPTERS, IM NOT SURE IF I'D BE ABLE TO WRITE IT WELL BUT I WILL TRY.)UPDATED WEEKLY,  IF NOT, I'LL OWE YOU A COKEYou served in the Survey Corp for five years, but after a run in with an abnormal outside the walls that patially took your hearing, you can no longer serve without being a liabilty. Now, you work as the Scout's librarian and general record keeper, but since you were discharged, a small but growing feeling of uselessness has been gnawing away at you from the inside. One day, Captain Erwin approaches you with a request, find out all the information that you can about these notorious Underground criminals, Isabel Magnolia, Farlan Church , and Levi Ackerman. Soon after this, you meet them. While two of them warm up to you rather quickly, one remains guarded. What will happen when you find something out about this man that he didn't want anyone else to know? What happens when you offer to help him with his situation? Will you see a different side to him, different from the disinterested face he shows the rest of the world?Comments are appreciated  xoxo!! SPOILERS FOR 'NO REGRETS' OVA!!
Relationships: Levi Ackerman & Reader, Levi Ackerman/Reader, levi ac
Comments: 13
Kudos: 43





	1. Sign here, please.

You lifted your chin up to peer back into the window positioned behind your bed. You squinted your eyes. It was still pitch black outside, even the moon was dim, wispy clouds enveloped its light like a thin veil. You could feel the bitter morning air, seeping into your small room, despite the window panes being closed shut. Typically, in this situation, you would flop back onto your side and burrow yourself further into your blankets, willing yourself back into a slumber. But regrettably, you had to get up. You savored the warmth of your sheets for one last fleeting moment before whipping your legs out of your bed and placing your feet on the icy tile floor. You groaned as you reached up, stretching your back. After lifting yourself up, you trudged over to your bathroom to freshen up. 

You pushed the scattered clothes, books, and loose sheets of paper that rested on the floor with your feet, creating a path for you to actually move through. Before you entered the bathroom, you shot a glance over your shoulder back at the filthy state of your room.  _ When was the last time I actually cleaned this shit hole? _ You had always been a messy person, but as long as other people didn’t see its cluttered condition, you couldn’t find it in your heart to care. Besides, you always presented yourself in an upright manner, what did it matter if your room was a little messy? You scrunched your nose. But your room really was quite dirty. Even though the bar was in hell, this was a bit much, even for you. It didn’t help that you had been going through a slump recently, doing simple tasks had become more and more tedious as of recent. 

But you didn’t have time to dwell on that, you had gotten up at the ass-crack of dawn for a reason. You yawned as you entered the bathroom, closing the door behind you, so you could pretend the chaos residing outside of it was nonexist. You turned the small glass knob on the sink, cupped some water in your hands, and began scrubbing your face vigorously with the cold water, eliminating any of the remaining drowsiness that you might have been feeling. You scrubbed your teeth and brushed your hair, and you didn’t do anything further than that, simply letting your hair rest on your shoulders. Since you no longer worked directly with the Scouts, you had the privilege of doing so. You reminisced on how everyday, you used to style your hair up into a tight bun, as to prevent it from impeding your vision. You couldn’t afford to have anything compromising your sight, even for a moment. One of the little reliefs of your life had been at the end of the day, making it back home, and flopping yourself onto your bed, pulling the hair tie from its taut position, and feeling your scalp relax. 

You stared at yourself in the mirror in front of you. Your eye bags had become more prominent, but aside from that, you looked clean. Put together. You gave your reflection a practiced, polite smile. Satisfied with your appearance, you exited the bathroom, making your way to your wardrobe, to get dressed. You skimmed your eyes over its contents. Eventually, you decided on, (or rather it was the only clean item of clothing you had) a dark royal blue dress, with a white button up front, lace stitched to the front and on the tips of your sleeves. You whipped off your nightdress, exposing your bare skin to the chilly interior of your room, then you pulled the dress over your body, and stretched back your arms to button up the back. You leaned down, grabbing your shoes and stockings sitting at the bottom of the cedar closet, and situated yourself back onto your bed, pulling the stockings over your legs, and slipping your shoes on. You reached over to your windowsill, and grabbed a blue velvet ribbon brooch, with a bright flower design at its center, and carefully tied it around your neck. Lastly, you got up and snatched your round glasses from your desk, pushing them up your nose, adjusting them slightly. Everything came into focus. You were ready to begin the day.

You walked to the door and swung it open into a long wooden hallway, and began to make your way down the tall corridor. The only thing providing you light were the small, dimly lit lanterns placed along the upper half of the cream white walls. You reached large wooden doors, releasing a small grunt as you pushed them open. You repeated this process with two other hallways, silently making your way through the old castle. Unsurprisingly, you didn’t see anyone else while you walked. It wasn't long before you had arrived at your destination, the library. After your discharge from the Scouts due to your disability, Captain Erwin offered you the opportunity to stay at the Scout Headquarters, working record keeping and maintaining the library. It’s something you were eternally grateful for. You didn’t have anywhere else to return.

You entered the library abruptly, preparing yourself for the workload that your superior had so graciously gifted you with. The library was nothing grand, but it was spacious enough to house five rows of large cedar bookshelves. The floor was of the same wood that covered the long hallways you were just walking in, but it was partially covered with a dark forest green carpet that went through the middle of the room. Down the center of the shelves was a wide pathway so that guests could weave their way through the shelves, with various wooden tables and chairs, and couches for them to seat themselves. At the end of the room was a wide desk, covered in books and other clutter. This was where you did all of your work, and spent most of your hours of most of your days.

You sat yourself down, cracking your knuckles before looking down at the writing on your open notepad.

_ Levi Ackerman, Isabel Magnolia, and Farlan Church. _

A little bit over a week ago, Captain Erwin had entered the library, asking you to gather as much information on these three as you possibly could. When you had inquired as to who they were, he told you that he was looking to possibly recruit them into the Scouts. You had raised an eyebrow at this, but you didn’t press him any further than that. You, among many others, placed a lot of trust on the Captain's judgement. If you recalled correctly, his squad had gone down to retrieve the three today… or was it yesterday? You furrowed your brow slightly. You really couldn’t recall. Collecting information on them had been a huge pain in the ass. Hours you had spent scavenging through various documents, files, looking for something, anything about their backgrounds. Your efforts had resulted in essentially nothing. The only thing you found on them were their wanted posters. But you supposed it was to be expected. Documents for people living in the Underground were usually spotty, if existent at all. 

You snapped yourself out of your thoughts and began with the task at hand, which was reviewing and sorting through the files of the new scout recruits. Erwin apparently needed them completed by seven o clock today, hence the painstakingly early wake up time. You took a deep breath, focused your vision on the multitude of papers in front of you, and began to work.

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Miraculously, you had managed to finish early. There was less work than you had anticipated.  _ Damn, I guess I could’ve slept in had I really wanted to,  _ you thought to yourself, as you leaned back into your chair, looking up to the tall ceiling. You frowned slightly. You suspected that it would be a while before the Captain arrived to collect your work so, in the meantime, you decided to go for a breath of fresh air outside. You hoisted yourself up from your work area, and sauntered to the library's large wooden doors. Again you made your way through the corridors of the large castle, that now had the morning sun's light passing brightly through the long windows. You courteously greeted a couple of people as they passed you in the halls. Eventually, after pushing open one last door, you had made it outside. As you did, you felt a stinging cold rush of air hit your face, and shuddered.

As much as you disliked pitying yourself, you decided to take a stroll out to the training grounds to reflect on when you were an active soldier. Your eyes glazed over the wide field that used to be where you practiced hand to hand with your squadmates. You missed it.

Going outside the walls was terrifying, and it wouldn’t be honest to say that you never felt like you had regretted your decision. Time and time again, you had mourned the deaths of comrades, after seeing them die in the worst ways imaginable. You still had nightmares. But it gave you purpose. It provided you some sense of control over the impending horror of those monsters outside the walls. You weren’t naive enough to be oblivious to the fact that your reasons for fighting were selfish, for your own twisted sense of comfort. Wanting to feel needed...but was there really any harm in it? Alas, being partially deaf and continuing on expeditions was too high of a risk. Communication was key, and if you couldn’t communicate properly with the rest of the group, you were extra baggage. Another corpse thrown into the back of a cart to be pulled through the gawking crowds of the inner city. You were only partially deaf, so in combination with being able to somewhat hear people speaking very loudly, and the fact that you could read lips, you were still able to communicate normally with those around you. You weren’t entirely useless.

You continued walking along the side of the fields, suddenly halting at an idea.  _ Maybe if I go to the common area, I can say hi to Hange. _ Recently, you’d been so swamped with work that you couldn’t have your little meetings with them. _.  _ With that, you swiftly changed your direction and began to head over to see Hange. On the off chance that they were on break, maybe you could talk with them for a bit, if they were still working, you would head back to the library. You bit your lip in thought, and brought your hands up to hug your arms, rubbing them for a bit of heat as you walked.

To your surprise, when you arrived, there was an announcement being made. The scouts were lined up in rows, eyes up at the front. You halted for a moment, then you made your way up to where you were as close as you could be to the front, while still placed behind the soldiers. You saw Commander Keith Shadis standing in the front, along with three others you didn’t recognize. You inched a little further, leaning your head in a tad so that you could get a better view of the Commander's lips. You strained your eyes.

“ATTENTION ALL” Keith bellowed , looking through the crowd in front of him. “FROM TODAY, THESE THREE WILL BE FIGHTING ALONGSIDE YOU ALL.” The nice thing about Shadis was that he shouted about every sentence that came out of his mouth, so you could hear some of the things he was saying.

Ah, so these must be the three that you were researching. You shifted your focus to the strangers standing next to Shadis.

The girl on the left looked younger than the other two, chestnut brown hair framed her face, which housed fierce green eyes and an eager smile. She had a petite, but still athletic looking figure. At the opposite end of her was a tall blonde man.  _ Handsome,  _ you noted, silently. He had light hazel eyes, that seemed a bit apprehensive in front of the crowd, arms folded stiffly behind his back. Finally your eyes laid on the man in the middle.  _ Short _ . Moving on from his height, you began to observe his other features. His mouth was set in a hard set line, unfaltering. Your eyes moved up his face, and you made note of his pale complexion, as you reached his eyes... they surprised you a bit.  _ Damn, if stares could kill…  _ Piercing, frigid black eyes is what you were met with. Under them were prominent eye bags that strongly contrasted his pale face. Weary. You found that you were staring at him, your eyes unknowingly drawn to his presence. WIthout you realizing, his eyes had turned onto you. When you noticed, it gave you a start, and you quickly tore your own eyes away from him, suddenly finding the dirt on the ground insanely fascinating. After a couple of seconds, you dared to look up again, and you saw that he had returned his focus back to the crowd. 

Suddenly you felt embarrassed, not because he had caught you staring, but because you had folded so easily under his gaze. Everyone in the vicinity was staring at him, so it’s not like he caught you doing anything wrong, and yet you reacted like a child that had gotten caught stealing a cookie from the jar by their mother. You sighed before glancing back up to the front. You saw the girl's lips moving. You assumed they were introducing themselves, but you couldn’t hear them all that well anyways, and besides, you already knew who all three of them were.  _ I suppose I can talk to Hange later anyways, perhaps during lunch…  _ With that, you pivoted on your left heel, swiftly turning your back to the crowd, and began a stride back to the library. 

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You had been sitting at your desk, head buried in a book that studied human biology, for about ten minutes. When it came to reading, you usually preferred storybooks, but you figured you might as well pull out something different, from the essentially untouched science section of the library.  _ Prions, infectious, disease causing agents, unlike bacteria and parasites, prions are not fully living organisms. Because of this, you cannot kill a prion. They are deformed pieces of protein that can eventually destroy th-  _ You felt a light tap on your shoulder. You looked up and saw a tall blonde man with bright blue eyes looking down at you. Erwin. Most of the people at headquarters were aware of your hearing impediment, so to avoid shouting or getting very close to you, they usually gave you a light tap on your shoulder to capture your attention. You gave him a pursed smile. You pulled out an old navy blue ribbon from your dress pocket and placed it on the page, closing the book softly.

“Hello Captain, what can I do for you?” you said as you raised yourself up from your chair, so he didn't have to crane his neck down to speak. You focused your gaze to his lips.

“Good afternoon _______” he said, offering you a small smile. “I’m sure you recall those three new recruits? I believe I saw you in the back as they were being introduced.” you nodded at this before speaking. 

“Yes I am, sir. I had come over to give my regards to Hange, but decided against it... how are they Captain?” you inquired, leaning back slightly against the wall behind you, “Do they live up to your expectations?”

He chuckled at this a bit, 

“They do. ” He lowered his voice and continued. You saw a glint pass through his icy blue eyes as he spoke, but you couldn’t make out the emotion triggering it.

“One of them in particular, they can move like nothing I’ve ever seen.”

A short pause in the conversation followed his statement. His eyes were on you, but you could tell he was somewhere else. You began to feel minute under his eyes. Hastily you broke the eye contact between the two of you, swallowing quietly. Just as you were about to ask for further explanation, he cleared his throat.

“As I was going to say, those new recruits should be on their way here right now, I instructed them to meet with you after they settle into their lodgings, so you could put down some information for their general records.”

You shifted back up from the wall slightly. You debated in your head whether to ask him what you had intended on earlier, or just dropping it, and quickly settled on the latter. 

“I can do that.” You nodded and smiled up at him.

He nodded back.“Thank you, ______ , I wanted to give you a heads up so that you wouldn’t be too surprised when they arrive.”

“Thank you for the concern Captain.”

He gave you a curt smile, before adjusting his coat and heading back to the door.

“Have a good afternoon..” He said, giving you a small wave as he turned his back to you.

“To you as well, sir.”

With that, he had exited the room, leaving you on your own once again. You stretched, letting out a soft groan, before returning to your desk and back to your reading. All that was left to do now was to wait for their arrival.

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You had begrudgingly tasked yourself with the job of organizing your disgusting desk. You had begun by putting all the books back in their rightful places along the shelves, and had just started sorting through the scattered papers,  _ Trash, Trash, Important, I might need that later, Trash, I’ll keep this one just in case, Trash....  _ Suddenly, you noticed some movement along the top of your peripheral vision, and you shot your head up, eyes wide... _ Ah, it was the three musketeers,  _ you relaxed a bit. Farlan and Isabel looked at you somewhat expectantly, and you noticed Farlans mouth moving, but you couldn’t quite catch the words. You looked at the man standing behind the two. Levi wore a bored expression on his face. They looked like they had been waiting.  _ That’s a little embarrassing.  _ You felt your cheeks flush a bit before standing up and plastering a polite smile on your face.

“So sorry about that, I suppose I was a little too invested in my cleaning there.” You paused briefly for any reaction from them. When they said nothing, you continued.

“My name is ______. I understand that Captain Erwin sent you here so I could write you guys some records, so let's get into that” You released a pensive chuckle, and whipped around towards your desk, hastily grabbing a blank notepad and a pen from it. 

“Shall we begin with you?” you asked, turning to the young girl.

“Sure!” she gave you a cheeky grin, and you couldn’t help but to return the smile.

“Very good, could we start with your full name? ” You turned your focus to her lips.

“Isabel Magnolia” You hummed at this.

“And your age?”

“I dunno… If I had to guess I’d say around 19?” She looked up for a moment, pondering. “Or maybe younger than that? I’m not enti- ”

She suddenly stopped talking, and you tore your focus away from her mouth back to her eyes as she did.

“Is something the matter, Isabel?”

“Why dontcha look me in the eyes when I'm talking?” she asked, bluntly.

Something that you had struggled with since your accident was interpreting the tone of others when they spoke to you. You knew the words, but were they being sarcastic? Were they upset with you? Joking? Normally, if someone had said that to you, you might’ve assumed that they were angry with you, But as you observed Isabel, you only saw genuine curiosity plastered across her face, her wide green eyes looking at you, lips sealed shut, patiently awaiting your answer. How refreshing. You laughed a little bit before answering,

“Ah, that's because I'm partially deaf in both of my ears,” you explained kindly. “So to communicate with others,” You lightly tapped on your own lips with your finger, “I have to rely heavily on my ability to read their lips.” You saw her eyes light up.

“WOW REALLY?” She exclaimed, slamming her hands against your desk, shaking its contents, “THAT'S SO COOL!” She suddenly faltered a bit before lowering her voice down to its original volume. Her mood certainly switched quickly.

“So...ya can’t hear me at all right now?” She asked, cautiously.

“RIght now I can somewhat hear the pitch of your voice, but it would be difficult to understand you without looking at your lips, although, when you were shouting, I could hear you more clearly.”

“SHOULD I SHOUT THEN?”

You jumped a bit, and you stifled a snort before looking back at her.

“No need for that, I can understand perfectly well with lip reading, also, the difference in what I hear when you shout isn’t all that great anyway.” You answered. You cleared your throat and prayed the slight heat that you had felt trickle onto your face after snorting like a pig wasn’t noticeable. “And besides ” You glanced back at her two comrades, Farlan seemed amused, but Levi wore an irked expression on his face. “I don’t think the hearing people around you would appreciate it.”

“Were ya born deaf, or were ya in a-”

“Hey idiot, we got things to do here y'know? " Levi interjected, raising an annoyed eyebrow at his partner. "She didn’t even get through two questions before you interrupted her, and we still have to go get checked up by the nurse after this.”  _ Prick.  _ Immediately you felt guilty after that thought. Although he could've been kinder, he was actually correct. You turned to Isabel, and saw that she wore a dejected look on her face at the man's harsh words.  _ I guess she really cares about what this shorty thinks of her.  _ You decided to speak again.

"Ah, he does have a point there, we can always chat another time if you're still curious Isabel.” You said softly, “You can usually find me in here, but let's continue, shall we?" You gave her a genuine smile as you lifted your notepad back up to write on it, and she seemed to perk up a bit at your offer. 

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The results of your questioning had been pretty uniform among the three of them. They all had a good idea of their ages, but they couldn't be certain. They couldn't tell you where they were born, or the names of their parents, aside from Levi, who was able to provide a name for his mother, Kuchel Ackerman. Because of their lack of answers, the questioning was promptly wrapped up. Although you didn’t get a lot of information about their backgrounds, it wasn’t a complete waste. You had decided that you really liked Isabel. She had a contagious zealous personality, the type that you didn’t often see among military members...she reminded you of an old friend. And Farlan, who had seemed stiff at the beginning of your meeting, had quickly gotten comfortable, playfully bantering and joshing around with you. Witty, smart, good looking, what more could you ask for? And lastly Levi. You learned absolutely nothing about the type of man he was. He gave you curt, short answers that left nothing to the imagination. He wore a disinterested look on his face, his dark eyes seemed to be bore right through when he looked at you. From this interaction, you could only assume he was the most dull man on the planet, but you knew that couldn’t be the reality of the situation. Simply put, he was a mystery, and that irritated you beyond belief, as someone who was annoyingly curious.

Since the questioning was completed, you only had one thing left to do, which was to have them each copy their signatures down, just to have it on paper. You handed them each a paper and a pen, and headed back to your original place at your desk, hoping to continue where you had left off in your cleaning. But as soon as you turned your back to them, you felt a tap on your shoulder, and turned to see Isabel looking at you sheepishly, fiddling with the pen in her hands. You blinked.

“Is something the matter?”

“I’m sorry” She mumbled, turning her eyes to the floor and blushing slightly. “I don't really know how to write a signature.”

You felt a pang of guilt in your chest for putting her in a difficult situation, but you didn't allow any of it to appear on your expression. Instead, you gave her a comforting smile.

“That's perfectly fine, you can always just do some sort of figure, or if you’d like I can teach you a simple one for your name. ” 

“...Really?” The nervousness was slowly dissipating.

“Of course! I’ll show you right now.” you said eagerly, spinning around to grab your own pen. You walked back over to Isabel, grabbing her hand gingerly, and leading her to one of the tables at the center of the library. You sat her down, and pulled up a second chair so that you were sitting closely to her.

“Some people when signing documents, will only use their first name, their last, or both, some will even abbreviate. A lot of them honestly look like random scribbles.” you explained, looking at her. You paused and bit your lip, pondering. “How about we write yours as ‘Isa Magnol?” You asked.

She nodded her head quickly, but you could tell she was still a bit confused.

“Okay!”

“Okay! I’ll write it down right now, and you can practice it every now and then, until you get it.” You strengthened your grip on your pen and jotted her name down on the sheet.

𝓘𝓼𝓪𝓜𝓪𝓰𝓷𝓸𝓵

You turned your head to her, satisfied. 

“Well? What do you think of it?”

”It’s really pretty.” She said gently. Her eyes were slightly wide in awe, but they were quickly shrouded with doubt as she glanced back at you. 

“...But it looks kinda complicated, will I really be able to do this?”

“Of course you can! You seem very capable!” You chirped. ”Here, give me a moment.” You stood yourself up from your chair and stationed yourself behind her as she whipped her head around at you in confusion. You leaned forward over her, so that your chest slightly brushed against her back, and grabbed her right hand, which was still holding the pen, in your own. 

“Okay” You said in a half whisper, you were already close to her ear. “I’m going to show you the motions of it, and then with that, you’ll be able to try it on your own.”

She nodded, determined. You felt her grip tighten on the pen.

Slowly, so that she would be able to remember the movements, you moved her hand with your own across the paper, all while giving her quiet instruction for each letter. After you were done, you raised yourself up, looking down at the paper. It was a bit sloppier than your own, but it still looked neat.

“How nice!” You praised. “Okay Isabel, you keep the first piece of paper so that you have something to reference when you practice, and I’ll take this one as your official signature.” You said, as you looked back down at her. She wore a giant grin on her face, smiling silently at the piece of paper, and once again, you couldn’t help but smile down at her too. Suddenly, you became hyper aware of the two other people in the room, and you jerked your head back up at them. You looked at Levi, his face appeared to be softer than before. Only slightly. Maybe not? Or perhaps you just made that up in your mind due to his overall lack of expression.

“I’m sorry, I got a little distracted didn't I?,” you said, letting out a nervous laugh, “If you guys have completed your signatures I can take them right now.” you said, as you made your way back to them. As Levi stretched his arm out to give you his sheet, Farlan quickly shoved his own behind his back.

“Excuse me!” He said abruptly. You cocked your head in surprise.

“Yes?”

“Well, as it turns out, I was actually having some trouble with my signature as well. ” He said nervously, hand at the back of his head. He looked a little red.

“...Oh? With what part specifically?” you questioned.

“W-well... I was thinking it would be useful to me if you ‘Showed me the motions of it’ like you did with Isabel th-” He was swiftly cut off with an elbow to gut from Levi, and he doubled over. Your eyes widened, slightly startled.

“We don’t have any more time to dilly dally around here, we should’ve left ten minutes ago” He said flatly. “Just give her what you have.”

Farlan sighed, shooting his partner a quick glare, and defeatedly, handed the paper over to you. It felt a bit awkward now, so you didn’t try to say anything else. You silently took the paper and gave Farlan a slightly pitying smile. You took the papers back to your desk, reached down and hurriedly filed them away in your drawer. You looked back up to face them with another polite smile.

“And with that, you guys are all done here.”

“Thank ya, _____ ! I’ll try to come here when I can to say hi!” Isabel said eagerly.

“I look forward to that very much." You responded. You paused for a moment, and turned your attention to the other two. 

“The nurses office should be two doors down, on the right side of this hallway, you can’t miss it.” You instructed. Levi gave you a small nod, before turning around and heading towards the door, and the others followed suit. Once you saw the large wooden doors close, you sighed loudly, and collapsed back into your desk chair with a thud. Talking to people sure was tiring.


	2. Sweet Bread

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You go on a date with Hange, and when you come back, you eat some bread.
> 
> (Don't worry yall Levi's in the chapter, dont wanna give too much away tho ;))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyyy i know i said I'd update next week but here's a little early update for yall, bc i am the swagmaster B). Naw jk my spring break just started so now i just have way too much time on my hands lol. I'll still have an update next week but i'd thought i'd post this second chapter now bc yknow it's done sooo why not. As always kudos are appreciated, and comments are especially appreciated, they help me stay motivated to write :). After this chapter I've decided on updating weekly every monday. have a great night yall~

_“Marla!” you shout at her, “Marla I’m right over here!”_

_She cannot hear you._

_You step in front of her._

_She cannot see you._

_You embrace her deeply, stroking her skin gently._

_She cannot feel you._

_Can the man even see you from up there? She grabs her paints and begins painting your face with a deep shade of blue. She got it right again. You laugh, and so does the man. Oh, the sky was dark, it wasn’t before... she hated the dark. Oh, now she's biting away at her skin. Oh, how you hated when she did that. She knew you hated it, but every night, there she goes again, biting away. As if it were her last meal. You scream. You sob. It was light again. Oh dear, you’ve split your paint, now you’ve done it…_

Your eyes snapped open. You swallowed heavily as you jerked your head up from your desk in a cold sweat. You gave yourself a moment to adjust to your surroundings, eyes flicking back and forth to take it all in. You sighed, still in the library...of course, because where the hell else would you be? You rubbed your watery eyes. Your breathing was still slightly erratic, so you slumped back into your chair, taking slow breaths until it returned to its original rhythm. You glimpsed at the small clock on your desk. It was just past one in the morning. You must’ve fallen asleep while you were reading. You took one last shaky breath before sitting up from your slouched position, straightening your back in your chair. _Another nightmare?_ You shut your eyes tightly, desperately trying to recall the events of your dream, but you couldn’t. 

Often, when you had nightmares, you had this gut wrenching feeling of fear in your stomach when you awoke, but today was different. You were a little frightened, sure, but the core of the feeling wasn’t in your stomach, instead, it was in your chest. You had felt so painstakingly sad when you awoke. Was it a memory of an old friend?... _Who was it?_ Almost i mmediately, a face came to mind. Your mind started to trail off into old memories. But you were not going to allow it to continue. You smacked the sides of your face with your hands, leaving a stinging pain on them as you slowly lowered your hands. _Best not to get into that now._ Otherwise, you didn’t think you'd be able to sleep once you returned to your room. 

You forced a small smile onto your face, before pushing your palms against your desk, forcing yourself up. You stretched your arms behind your back, and letting out an obnoxious yawn. You grabbed your glasses, tenderly placing them into your dress pocket, and headed to the library doors, and back to your room.

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After you had returned to your room, you fell asleep pretty quickly, and when you woke up the next morning, you didn’t have any night terrors to note, which was a great relief. 

Today Hange had some time off, which meant that your highly anticipated get together had finally arrived. You scurried around your room, preparing for the day. Today you guys had planned on going to get breakfast at a bakery in the city. Although you didn’t usually put much thought into your appearance, today, you wanted to look nice. You hadn’t gone out in months. You put your hair up in a half up half down style, and moved into the bathroom. You stood awkwardly in front of your mirror, tightly grasping the small makeup kit that your mother had gifted you some time ago. It was a small furnished wooden box, with a floral pattern carved into it. In it held a small tub of mascara and its brush, some facial powder, blush, a lip tint, and various make-up brushes, with carved metal handles.

When you were younger, you had watched your mother put on make-up nearly every day before she went to work, peeking at her through the doorway. _When will I be able to do that?_ You’d thought. You snickered at the memory. Now here you were, the long awaited day, and you had no idea what the hell to do. You gingerly picked up the biggest brush and dipped it into the powder, and began lightly dabbing it over your face. When you were finished, you looked up into the mirror. _Pasty._ It made you look like a ghost. You scrubbed it off with some hot water, and settled on placing some under your eyes, to alleviate your growing bags. Next you dipped a smaller brush into the creamy lip tint, painting your bottom lip, and pressing your lips together to spread it to the top, leaving your lips looking rosy. It looked cute, you decided, so you moved on to the mascara, only brushing a little on to avoid it being too noticeable. Lastly, you put on the blush, lightly pressing the powder against your upper cheeks. _“Too much and you’ll look like a clown.”_ That's what your mother had always said _._ You gave yourself one last hard look in the mirror, evaluating yourself, and your face softened at the sight. _Pretty._

__

You gave yourself a satisfied nod and left the bathroom, moving to your wardrobe. You had done some laundry yesterday, so today, you had more options. You picked out a white button up blouse with flowy sleeves, and a large ruffled forest green skirt to wear over it. After you put both on, you felt out around in the pocket of the skirt, and pulled out a matching bow that went with it, tying it around your collar. With that, you were ready, and you headed to your door. But right before you entered the hallway, you stopped, and turned around to look at your desk. On it was a small glass vial of rose water. You turned back and grabbed it from your desk, and rubbed a little on your wrists and neck. Now you were ready.

If your intuition was correct, Hange was probably still knocked out cold in their bed. The maniac insisted on staying up until ungodly hours of the night with their research, so they usually slept in when they had the opportunity. Because of this, you headed over to give them a little wake up call. They took about two seconds to get ready, so you wouldn’t be late if you woke them up right now. You walked across the now empty training field to the scouts barracks. It was much warmer than yesterday, which you were appreciative of. The sun shone brightly through the piecing white clouds, and there was a light breeze in the air. It truly was a lovely day to go out. Soon you had reached the barracks, coming to a halt. _What was their barrack number again...?_ You squeezed your eyes tightly shut as you tried to remember, rubbing your temples. After a while, you let out a heavy exhale. You couldn't remember, but at the very least, you thought it was on the right hand side, so you walked over, scanning the area, looking for anyone you could ask for help. After a while you settled on the only solution you could think of. You had a very general idea of where they might be, so you were just going to give every room in that area a little peeksie until you found them. Reluctantly, you headed to the first door.

At this point, you had checked about five rooms, and you already felt drained socially from the few, short but awkward interactions you’d had. You stopped walking for a moment to gather yourself. You reached up to rub your eyes, but stopped yourself when you remembered you had mascara on. _Ugh_. Okay, there were only two doors left, and you were sure that it was between these two. If not, you would go back to your room, that crack pot could come get you instead. You inhaled deeply before grabbing the handle of the thin wooden door and pushing it open, and your eyes widened in surprise. Three heads immediately turned to face you. It was Isabel, Furlan, and Levi. They were standing in a circle, and they wore stoic expressions over their faces, even Isabel, who usually wore a bright smile. The atmosphere seemed tense. You made a dumb face (‘3’) as you inched backwards towards the exit.

“Ah, sorry,” You said in a hushed tone, putting a hand up, “Well I’ll just excuse myself right no- ”

“OH IT’S YOU” Isabel exclaimed, tearing herself away from the group, running over to you. She grasped your hands tightly. Just like that, the stiff feeling from before was non existent. But you couldn’t help but wonder what they had been talking about before you had barged in. It made you a bit uneasy.

“Good morning Isabel. I hope you slept well.”

“I did, I did! How are ya? Why are ya here?”

“Ah, I was looking for my friend, but I couldn’t remember what barrack number they were in.” You paused.”Perhaps you could help me with that…?”

“Oh! Well maybe! What’s their na-”

“Well you just look lovely today” Furlan interrupted as he sauntered over to where you and Isabel stood, “What, do have a date today? ”

“No I don- well,” You looked up for a moment “Well I guess I kind of do.” His face immediately dropped. A short silence fell over the room.

“Wait, really?” He asked, quietly.

“No, just messing around. Anyways,” You said, turning back to Isabel, who was giggling at your joke, “Could you help me out? I’m looking for someone named Hange.”

“Hange? Hange Zoe?” Levi asked from the back. 

You blinked, surprised that he had spoken out on his own accord. You looked at his face, and saw that it was painted with distaste. _Ah, I see how it is,_ you thought, smiling a bit to yourself. Hange had that effect on people sometimes.

“Yes, Hange Zoe, we’ve been good friends for about 5 years now.” You replied. He scoffed.

“I don’t know who in their right mind would willingly spend time with that titan lunatic.” To his surprise, you let out a laugh at this.

“I honestly can’t blame you for thinking that” You said with a grin. Just imagining Levi and Hange interacting was a funny thought. He probably couldn’t stand them. He clicked his tongue before looking away from you.

“So you've been friends for a while?” Furlan interjected, now fully recovered from your jab earlier. “How long have you worked in the library?” He asked. You hummed.

“Maybe a little less than a year?” You guessed. He looked confused.

“Wait, so how have you-” Before he finished, you predicted his question.

“I used to serve as a Scout… but for obvious reasons, I can no longer continue on expeditions.”

“So it was an accident.” Isabel whispered, before quickly returning to her normal volume. “I was thinkin’ about that! What happened?” You shifted uncomfortably, but she didn’t seem to notice.

“I promise I’ll tell you another time Isabel, but I really need to get going now, could you please tell me where Hange is?” You said sweetly.

“Oh! I’m sorry! I forgot” She said,“They should be two doors down” You gave her a smile, before turning to the door.

“Thank you Isabel! I’ll be at the library later, so we can talk more there if you have the time!” She nodded happily as you exited the room.

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“HANGE!” You shook their shoulders rapidly, jerking their head back and forth. They were drooling a bit. _How lovely._ You frowned. How could someone be such a deep sleeper? You sighed.

“Just know that I didn’t want to do this.” You whispered, as you pulled your hand back, and gave them a hard smack in the face. Their eyes flickered open.

“OW” They yelped, shooting up in their bed. “WHAT THE-” They looked up at your annoyed face, and their eyes lit up.

“Oh! It’s just you.” They said. You looked down at them defeatedly.

“Hange, we were supposed to go out today.” You whined. They had now slipped out of their bed, and were stretching their back, yawning. 

“There, there,” They said lovingly, patting your head. “I’ll be ready in a second.” You gave them a tired smile as they walked into their bathroom, closing the door behind them. While you waited, you sat yourself at their desk, looking through their research notes. Hange was pretty open with their research, so you knew that they wouldn’t mind. _How do a titan vocal cords work?_ Was written sloppily at the top of the page. Soon enough, you were immersed in their work, eyes flicking back and forth over the pages. They were theorizing really fascinating stuff. Suddenly, Hange was standing behind you, and you turned your head in their direction.

“Ready?”

“Damn it!” They said, crossing their arms. “How did you know I was there? I know for a fact you can’t hear me,” You rolled your eyes. “And I was tip-toeing so you couldn’t feel my footsteps.”

You put their notes down, taking a breath.

“Would you like me to be honest?” You asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“Of course!”

“You smell.” You said flatly, getting up from the seat.

“Oh? Like what?” They asked excitedly. You thought for a moment before answering. 

“Dirt.” You replied. They frowned.

“Well that’s no good, is it?” They pouted, as you both headed towards the door.

“Perhaps if you showered more often.” 

“I don’t have time for that!” You let out a loud snort.

“Figured as much.”

Hange followed you out the door, and you guys walked back to the castle, chattering away as you made your way to the city.

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The walk though the city was fun. The King’s birthday was two days ago, and the high spirits from the festivities hadn’t completely died out yet. But unfortunately, you couldn’t enjoy it entirely. You found yourself getting tired quickly, taking heaving breaths as you kept up with Hange’s long legs.

“You really are out of shape aren't you? ” Hange teased, and you responded with a deathly glare. 

“Oh my! How scary you are!”

“You sure are annoying, and I’m not out of shape, I’m just tired from yesterday.”

“Late night?” You nodded in response.

“Well it doesn’t matter, because we're here!” They spread their arms widely, presenting you with the bakery as if they’d built it from the ground up themselves. It looked really congested today, small crowds of people frantically moving in and out of the small door, the little bell at the top ringing over and over again. Suddenly, the scent of freshly baked bread wafted up your nose. You almost drooled. You quickly wiped your mouth before turning back to Hange. 

“It looks pretty busy today, so I’ll go in and order, just tell me what you want.” You told them.

“Ah thanks! Well if that's the case could you get me two cheese rolls?” They said giddily. You gave them a hard nod, and headed to the door. 

You made your way the the counter, and ordered Hange’s cheese rolls, plus your own sweetbreads. You didn’t like to admit it, but you had a massive sweet tooth. You and the cashier exchanged polite smiles before you carried the stuffed paper bag out the door. You scanned the crowd, But you couldn’t see where Hange had gone. You sighed, you didn’t want to do what you were about to do, but it’s not like you would be able to hear them if they called out to you.

“HANGE! WHERE ARE YOU.” You shouted, voice cracking a bit. You felt your cheeks heat up as you saw people shooting you weird looks. Soon you saw a pair of hands waving above the crowd frantically, and the top of a brown head bobbing up and down, and you rushed over.

“There you are!”

“Hey! Sorry, I got a little lost, but we can head over to sit now.”

You gave them a wide grin as the two of you headed over to a grassy area to sit and enjoy your bread.

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The sky was beginning to get dark. You and Hange had been talking for hours, the two of you had so much to catch up on, and even if you didn’t, you didn’t doubt that Hange would have had something to talk about. You were mostly listening to them chatter away, but you didn’t mind, you were more of a listener anyways, maybe that’s why you guys clicked so well. Eventually, the conversation wound up being about the new recruits.

“Have you met them yet?”

“Ah, yeah I did, Erwin sent them over to me so that I could put some information down for their records” They perked up at this, eyes wide.

“Did you find out anything cool out about them?” You shook your head.

“Jackshit.” They wilted a bit. 

“Why do you ask?” After you asked them this, you saw their face shift into a more serious one, one that you didn’t often see on them.

“Isabel and Furlan are insanely talented with their ODM, and they're both very physically fit, I can hardly believe that they were self taught.” They paused, before continuing, and lowered their voice.

“That being said, Levi... he’s a monster. I have no idea how he can move the way that he does. When someone is using ODM, if you watch carefully, you can see the learned movements attained through years of training... but with him, it seems innate.” You stared at them. The way they talked about him, the look in their eyes as they did, it was nearly identical to how Erwin had a week ago. Was he really that extraordinary? You both went silent for a bit, laying together on the grass, until Hange let out a shriek and began rolling around, in a fit of giggles, causing you to gasp loudly.

“JEEZ WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM?” You shouted.

“AHH I JUST NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT HIM, I HAVE TO KNOW MORE ABOUT HIM, I NEED TO KNOW HOW HE TICKS, I'M SO CURIOUS IT’S KILLING ME.” They were clutching their hair in their hands, and kicking up in the air. You rolled your eyes.

“Jeez, you’re such a creep!” you groaned. You stood yourself up and offered them your hand. They grabbed it and hoisted themselves up.

“We should get back to headquarters… it’s getting dark.” You said, and Hange nodded with a goofy looking smile on their face, and the two of you walked back to the castle.

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When you returned to the castle, it was about seven thirty. You said your farewells to Hange, and the two of you headed in opposite directions. You were headed back to the library, but before you did, you wanted to go into the kitchen and grab yourself a cup of tea. You gushed silently to yourself as you walked through the dark castle, thinking about where you would be in about half an hour, in the library, cuddled up on a couch against a soft blanket, reading a good book, with your hot tea and mouthwatering sweet bread placed on the small table next to you. Quietly, you pushed open the doors to the kitchen, and set some water to boil. You moved over to the wooden cupboard, and held two tea cans up, debating with yourself over which one you wanted. _Green or Black? … Black today, and green tomorrow._ You hummed, and placed the green tea back into the cupboard. Soon, your water was boiling, and you carefully poured it into the mug, and placed the tea bag in. You paced around in the dark kitchen while you waited for it to steep. When it was done, you slowly picked it up from the tea plate, and steadily walked back to the library so as to not spill it.

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Soon enough, you were exactly where you had imagined being half an hour ago, in the library, cuddled up on a couch against a soft blanket, reading a good book, with your hot tea and mouthwatering sweet bread placed on the small table next to you. You hummed happily to yourself as you turned the page. The story you were reading was about this mother and son who lived alone together. One day she picks up a missing person flier, and her son’s face is on the page. She goes to the Military Police, insisting that she has lived with her son for seven years, and that he’s perfectly safe, but everyone calls her crazy. It was a really gripping mystery... but you already knew how it ended. You’d read this book before. Rereading books gave you peace of mind, it felt like a sense of control, because you already knew how the story unfolded, nothing could surprise you.

You put the book down, and you remembered that you still had some leftover sweet bread. You giggled happily to yourself as you pulled out a second piece of sweet bread from the slightly crumpled paper bag. When was the last time you had a sweet treat like this? You took a large bite, and you got a taste of the slightly tart strawberry jelly on the inside. In the process, some powdered sugar landed on your face. _Darn._ You got up to grab a napkin from your desk, and as you stood up, you finally noticed that Levi was standing in the library, staring at you. You stared back at him for a second before shooting your hand up at him, as if to tell him “Wait.” You looked down as you walked over to your desk, so that he wouldn’t see the probably stupid looking expression you were making. _Oh Lady of the Walls just kill me now._ His lips moved, but you didn’t focus in on time to catch what he’d said. You quickly wiped the sugar off your face with your handkerchief, flattened your skirt down, tucked your hair in behind your ears, and turned to face him, gluing a polite smile to your face, as if he hadn’t just witnessed you giggling over a pastry like a child. For the first time since you’d noticed him, you mustered up the courage to look him in the face. If he thought it was funny, he didn’t show it. If he thought you were disgusting, he didn’t show that, either. The indifferent expression he wore in his face that usually annoyed you now brought you comfort in the awkward situation.

“So sorry I didn’t notice you before, Levi.” You hesitated for a bit. That was the first time you addressed him with his name. “Or would you prefer Mr.Ackerman?” 

“Levi is fine.”

”Very good, very good,” You said, chuckling nervously, “Well, what can I help you with?”

“Furlan wanted me to grab him a book...”

“Oh! Is there a reason Furlan couldn’t come himself?” Levi didn’t strike you as the type who would do Furlan a solid out of the kindness of his heart. Levi looked at you for a brief moment, as if he were analyzing you. He let out an exasperated sigh before continuing.

“The idiot was fucking around with the ODM gear and he busted himself up pretty bad.” Your brow furrowed with concern.

“Is he alright?”

“Yeah he's fine, he just needs to rest tomorrow.” He replied shortly.

“Oh, well that’s very good to hear! Now what type of book was he looking for?”

“He said he wanted one called ‘ _The Dead Man's Tree_ ’.” Your eyes brightened.

“Oh! I know that one! It’s a lovely horror...but I’m not entirely sure that we have it here... but I can check the catalog.” You said as you scurried over to your desk, pulling out a large binder, and dropping it on your desk with a thump. You sat back down. _Section D…. Da..De…Ah, there’s Dead. Dead Eye..._

 _Dead in the Crossfire, Oh there it is, Dead Man’s Tree!_

“Turns out we do have it! If you go to the fourth bookshelf on the right side, that would be the mystery section, and then, it would be under the ‘D’ section.” You told him, not looking up from the binder. Now that you were looking at it, it was seriously outdated. _Shit._ You needed to update it. You grabbed a pen, and reluctantly began going through the titles, crossing out things that you knew didn’t exist on the shelves. Suddenly, a bony finger lightly tapped on the page you were working on, and you looked up to see Levi standing over you, your heart stopped. _He smells good...Oh please shut up._ Although you were used to people getting close to you to capture your attention, this felt awkward. You looked up at him, offering a stiff smile.

“S-sorry, did you say something?”

“Even if you are deaf, you need to pay more attention to your surroundings, this is getting annoying.” He said in a low voice, and your face flushed again. _Ass._

“Duly noted.” You said quietly. “But did you need something?”

His face shifted slightly, and he looked a little...apprehensive?

“Where did you say the book was again?”

“Ah, sorry if you didn't hear me, It would be on the fourth shelf, in the ‘D’ section.” You answered, while pointing to the general direction of it with your finger. He turned his face to the side and said something. You frowned.

“If you said something to me right now, I do need to be able to see your lips when you speak.”

He gave you a hard stare. _How frightening._

“I asked if you could show me where this book is.”

“Oh… well do you wanna go check for yourself first?”

“No.” The polite smile on your mouth twitched a bit. _Can your stubby little legs not carry you that far?_

“Well I suppose I could go grab it for you.” You said, feigning kindness. “Just follow me.” He nodded.

You guided him over to the mystery section, trailing your finger along the book spines as you walked, until you reached the ‘D’ section.

“Should be here.” You said, as you turned back around to face him. And there it was again, that look of stony apprehension as he gazed at the books. You peeked at the area he was looking at, and you saw it, ' _The Dead Man’s Tree'_. You were about to point it out to him, but you stopped yourself. It was right there, so why wasn’t he grabbing it? He was looking straight at it, but his eyes seemed to glaze right over it. Then, something clicked in your brain. Suddenly, a question came to mind. Something that you probably shouldn’t ask out loud.

“Levi… Do you know how to read?” _Shit._

He shot daggers at you with his glare. Before you knew it, he'd snatched a random book off the shelf and was walking briskly to the door. You hastily grabbed ' _The Dead Man’s Tree'_ from the shelf and began to follow him.

“W-wait! That’s the wrong book, I-it’s fine if you-”

He shot you one last nasty glare. _He's really pissed._

“Shut the hell up!” He barked, and he slammed the large door behind him. An eerie silence filled the library after he left.

_Did I fuck up?_


	3. Look me in the eye.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's the new chapter! Sorry for the wait loves 💘
> 
> (thank u for the kind comment on the last chapter, i was gonna reply but then i forgot i deleted the chapter 😭💕  
> as always i love seeing your guys's comments >_< helps me know if i'm doing something right lol.

It had been three full days since the incident with Levi. You hadn’t seen him at all since then, either. Every now and then, Isabel and Furlan would come into the library. Their first expedition was in less than a week, so Shadis had them training their asses off. Because of this, they usually didn’t have much time on their hands, but it was just enough to say hi briefly. When you inquired about Levi, they responded saying that he was strangely adamant on not coming with them.  _ Figures _ .You didn’t do anything wrong...at least, that’s what you kept repeating to yourself in your head. Perhaps you could’ve been more tactful in your approach...but was this strong of a reaction really necessary? You couldn’t drive away the gnawing feeling of guilt in your stomach these past few days. You wanted to apologize, but at the same time, you didn’t want him to think you pitied him. Something told you that that would only damage his pride further. So how did you make this right without apologizing? You let out a sigh. People sure are difficult to deal with sometimes. 

"Hey ______!" Hange called.

You snapped back into your surroundings. You were sitting in the dining hall across from Hange and Moblit. It was a little late, so there were only a few other groups still in the long wooden hall. The smell of broth filled the air. You turned back to Hange.

"Sorry, I suppose I got lost in thought." You said, as you turned your focus back to their lips.

"Oh? What about?" They asked, keenly.

"I'm afraid I can't say." You responded.

"Are you oka-" Moblit began, but Hange quickly interrupted. 

"Oh come on now! When you say that it makes me even more curious!" They said, leaning in closer to you, with excited eyes.

"Come on Hange, if she doesnt wanna say..."

"Please!"

You groaned. You knew Hange wouldn't let up, and you didn't feel like lying, so you settled on telling them a very vague interpretation of the events a few days ago. You shifted in your seat uncomfortably. 

"W-well, say that I accidently learned something about someone that they didn't want anyone else to know…" You started, slowly. "And their pride was hurt, and now they're avoiding you, so you can’t apologize… but even if you did, you think that would only bruise their ego further."

"Who is this about?" They pressed.

"That's all I'll say and that's final." You replied, and Hange let out a moan of disappointment. 

"Then it's hard to help you out here!" You cocked an eyebrow. 

"I don't recall asking for help."

"You might as well have!"

"You sure are persistent."

"It's why so many people find me charming."

You and Moblit erupted into a fit of laughter. You two knew well that you each were one of the very few that could handle them. Hange gave you both confused looks at your sudden outbursts. After you settled down, Moblit turned to look at you.

"I know you said you weren't asking for advice, but would you like to hear what I think?" You thought about it for a moment. Moblit was a sensible enough person.

"Sure, why not?"

"Well, I don't think you really need to apologize, because their pride isn't your fault...but if you really still feel guilty, maybe you could address the problem at its root, instead of apologizing." 

"Elaborate?"

"I don't know what you found out about this person, but is it something you can help them with?"

You went quiet, staring into your bowl of broth. Light steam trailed up from it. _Teach him how to read? Would he even let me?_ You chewed your lip. For some reason, you found yourself wanting to help him, despite the fact that he was a total prick. You looked up and smiled at him.

"I'll think about it. Thank you Moblit, that was actually quite insightful."

He smiled back and nodded. You shot up from your seat on the dining hall bench.

"A-actually...I think I'm going to go deal with this right now, before I lose my train of thought and end up chickening out." You said, steadily.

“Oh? What’s with this sudden boldness?” Hange asked, reentering the conversation.

“This shit has been annoying me these last few days, I need to get it off my chest. So why not do it now while the thought is still fresh in my brain?”

Hange grinned up at you.

“Promise to tell me all about it later?” They said in a sickeningly sweet voice. You rolled your eyes.

“I'll see you two later.” You said as you began to briskly walk away from them, giving them a small wave.

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You had acted like tough shit in front of Hange in Moblit, but now that you were standing outside of Levi's cabin, you felt like you could hurl. The walk to the barracks had been shorter than you anticipated. All of the sudden, here you were, standing in front of the flimsy wooden door. You rubbed your temples. There were three things that could happen upon you entering the room. Firstly, he could simply refuse to speak to you. That wouldn’t be too bad. Secondly, he could curse at you, and demand that you get the fuck out of his room immediately. Lastly, he could happily hear you out, and love everything about your offer, because he thought you were a lovely and respectable young woman. Or, alternatively, he might not even be in there. You stared at the doorknob.  _ You’re already here, there's no point in backing out of it now.  _ You took a deep breath while you quickly went through your pitch in your head, muttering a little while you did so. You gave your cheeks a hard slap before you firmly grabbed the door handle and pushed it open. 

You pushed the door open to see Levi and Furlan sitting on one of the beds together, you had heard them talking while you were preparing yourself outside their door, but now the conversation had died out and their eyes turned back to you. The already small room felt even smaller with their eyes on you. You swallowed quietly, before offering them each an awkward smile and beginning.

“Good morning you two, I was wondering if I could speak to Levi for a moment.” Furlan cocked his head in surprise.

“Oh? What abou-” Quickly Levi had gotten up from his position on the bed and was swiftly headed towards the door. Right before he passed you he said something quietly.

“Outside, now.”

You flinched slightly as he closed the door behind you. You shot an apologetic smile at a very confused looking Furlan and hurriedly turned around to follow him out the door. Levi was waiting outside, arms crossed. You opened your mouth to speak, but before you could get anything out, he began talking.

“If you’re here to apologize, I don’t need to hear it. The best thing you could do for me is to just drop it right now. That’s all I came out here to say.” With that, he began to head back to his room. Everything happened quickly. But you hadn’t said your piece. This asshole hadn’t even begun to let you. He was really starting to piss you off. Just as his hand was about to turn the handle on the door, you quickly grabbed his arm. He turned his head to you, slightly surprised at your sudden movement. You cleared your throat, and did your best to muster up a stern voice.

“W-wait. I didn’t come here to a-apologize. I wanted to talk.”  _ Ugh, so much for a stern voice.  _ ”Please hear me out before you go back to your room.”

You stared at each other in silence. You were trying to read his face. As usual, you couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Was he considering it? Well, the fact that he hadn’t already left and returned to his room meant something, right? He scoffed before turning his head to the side. You couldn’t see what he said.

“Sorry, did you say something?” You asked. He gave you an annoyed look and he turned back to face you.

“Make it quick, and do you wanna let go of my arm now?” He asked, in an irritated tone. 

Immediately you dropped his arm as if it were infected with a bizarre disease. You cleared your throat.

“Sorry. Well, I-I was thinking that, your problem… i-it’s probably something that's gonna come up again in your time here.” You paused to think about what you should say next. You were looking down at your hands, you knew that if you looked at him straight on that you would fumble with your words. “...S-so, if it’s something that you would like to do something about, I can help you.” You still didn’t look up after you finished your piece. It went quiet.

Suddenly, you’d had enough of your own behavior. Even if he intimidated you, since when were you this fucking spineless? As of now, you’d known him for a week. That was more than enough time to get used to his presence. You had never been this timid before, and you were tired of casting your eyes down when you were in the same room as him. You were better than that, and you knew it. You shot your face up to meet his with fierce eyes. "So? What do you say?" You asked, bluntly. You guys maintained eye contact for a moment before he averted his gaze and spoke.

“You want to teach me how to read?”

“Well? What do you think? We could have meetings whenever it’s convenient for you, no one else needs to know. People hardly ever come into the library, and even if they did, we could always say that we are going over the expedition formation or something.” You paused for a moment to allow him to speak. When he didn’t, you continued. 

“This is definitely something that’s gonna come up again later, so if you don’t want the same thing that happened in the library that day to happen again... you should do this.” Still he said nothing. Your eyes remained on him, unwavering. Was he really just going to ignore you? It seemed like that was the case. You sighed. You’d offered your help already, and that was the most you could do. Now it was up to him whether he wanted to take you up on your offer or not. You gave him a small smile.

“It was nice talking again, Levi, I hope you’ll at least think about it.” You gave him a small bow before turning around and beginning to walk away from him. Almost immediately you felt a firm hand on your shoulder.

You turned to see him standing behind you. Right away you focused on his lips, anxious to see what he had to say.

“Can we begin tonight?” You blinked in surprise. You didn’t expect him to be this eager.

“Of course, what time would be the most convenient for you?”

“Eleven thirty.” You frowned.

“Aren’t scouts supposed to be in their barracks at ten?” 

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Well as long as you’re okay with the possibility of you receiving punishment if you’re caught, that works for me as well.” You said. He nodded and began to walk back into his room. You observed him as he disappeared through the door.

_ What a total weirdo. _

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The conversation with Levi was so draining that instead of returning back to the library as you had intended, you instead went into your room, kicked the crap on the floor out of your way, and plopped yourself onto your bed. You threw your glasses off onto the bed and rubbed your eyes. You hadn’t been getting much sleep recently. Usually you functioned well on a few hours of rest, but your carelessness was catching up to you now.  _ I’m going to have to stay up late today for my lesson with Levi.  _ You rolled over onto your stomach. You decided to take a small nap before you returned to the library, just to revitalize yourself for the long day ahead of you. You reached your arm down to the floor from your bed and felt around for your alarm clock. When you felt the cool metal on your fingertips, you wrapped your hand around it and pulled it back up on the bed, and set it to go off in two hours. It was twelve right now, and at two thirty, Isabel wanted to talk about your experiences outside the walls, and also show you her progress with her signature. So two hours was perfect. With that you gingerly placed the old alarm clock on your windowsill, and let sleep take you over.

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You woke up, but the alarm clock wasn’t going off.  _ Fuck. What time is it?  _ You reached your arm back and grabbed the clock. You squinted at it, the numbers were blurry without your glasses. Three o'clock on the dot.  _ FUCK.  _ You shot out of your bed and started making yourself presentable, wiping the slight drool from your face, straightening your dress, and combing your hair down. After you were done, you picked up your glasses, which had fallen on the floor, and made a mad sprint to the library, earning you a few odd stares from various military members as you passed them in the halls. You knew Isabel had been looking forward to this for a while, you’d feel bad if you ruined it for her because you failed to remember that your alarm clock was a janky old piece of shit. You made it to the tall wooden doors that lead to the hallway into the library, and you swung them open, taking heaving breaths. As you did, you saw Isabel, Furlan, and Levi just about to exit the opposite door. You took a big breath.

“ISABEL.” You called out. Her head abruptly turned back to face you. She said something, but the distance was too wide for you to catch it. You walked up to her, and started to explain yourself.

“I am so sorry-” You stopped to catch your breath, “I fell asleep and-” Once again you stopped to catch your breath,  _ How embarrassing.  _ But you persevered, “Before I knew it I-”

“Hey there, it’s fine!” said Furlan, stepping forward to place his hand on your shoulder comfortingly. ”Why don’t you give yourself a moment to breathe and then you can explain yourself?” You smiled up at him and nodded. After you had caught your breath, you continued. 

“I think you caught the gist of it earlier, but I fell asleep and the time got ahead of me, I'm very sorry Isabel. But if you'd still like to, we could still talk now.”

"Yeah of course I’d wanna! Is it okay if these two stick around? They’d come lookin’ for me." she asked, pointing both of her thumbs at the two men standing beside her.

“Yeah of course, lets go sit down, if you guys would like, could I make up for lost time for offering you some tea? The kitchen isn’t too far from here.” 

“Sure!”

“What kinds do you have?” Levi inquired.

“As of now we have green and black tea… do you have a preference?”

“Black, please.” He answered.

After that, Isabel and Furlan both agreed on black as well, and made your way down the long hallway to the kitchen.

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After you had returned to the library, you carefully walked to the long wooden table where the three had placed themselves, and delicately placed the silver tray down in the center, which held four porcelain teacups with brightly colored wildflowers painted on the side. You sat yourself down next to Isabel, Levi and Furlan sat across from the two of you.

“Well, what do you say we get the boring stuff dealt with first, hm?” You said to Isabel, and she nodded quickly, leaning over and pulling a wrinkled piece of loose paper from her pocket. Gingerly, she unfolded it to reveal that it was covered from top to bottom with copies of her signature. Some of them could be better, but others looked very neat. You looked back up to her and saw that she seemed pensive, quietly awaiting your critique. You gave her a soft smile.

“Could you point out your most recent attempt?”

“Y-yeah! For sure. Here ya go.” She placed the tip of her index finger on the bottom left corner of the page.

𝓘𝓼𝓪𝓜𝓪𝓰𝓷𝓸𝓵

It looked almost identical to the reference signature you had given her. 

“Isabel, this looks very neat! You must’ve practiced a lot!” You gushed. She beamed at your compliment.

“Thank ya! Should I keep practicing?”

“Most people know their own signature like the back of their hand, so until you can do it with your eyes closed, you should continue to perfect it.” She nodded eagerly and folded the paper back up and into her pocket. She looked back to you questioningly.

“Can I ask you all the questions I’ve been meanin’ to ask ya?”

“Go ahead.”

“Can you tell me about your last expedition?” You hummed at this.

“Sure.” You took a deep breath. It wasn't really a day you liked to look back on, but what's the harm in telling it one more time?

“At that point, I’d been serving in the Survey Corp for about five years. I joined the military when I was fifteen, graduated and joined the Survey Corp at eighteen. I’m twenty three now.” You began.

“This expedition wasn’t any different from the others, we ventured out in an attempt to find out anything new about the titans. After a full day out, we had come up with nothing. It was on our way back that my accident happened.” You stopped to think for a moment. You looked back up to them, until now, you had been staring into your tea cup.

“Have they told you about abnormal titans yet?” Furlan shook his head.

“Well...most titans follow a distinct set of patterns. They’ll walk upright on their two legs, the only thing on their mind will be eating people, and they’ll do anything to achieve that goal, even if their legs are getting hacked off as they're doing it.” You stayed quiet for a moment to allow any questions.

“But abnormals are different, some have been known to completely ignore us as we ride past them, although that's very uncommon. They might focus in on one person specifically, instead going for whatever they can get their hands on. In short, any titan that displays behaviors other than a blood hungry monster would be considered abnormal. In terms of movement, they also might move differently. Most titans either walk or run, but I’ve seen abnormals crawling on all four limbs like dogs... I’ve seen another that got around by jumping great distances.” You lowered your voice. ”That ugly fucker was especially difficult to deal with because even once we entered the forest, he could climb onto the trees.” You said darkly. Suddenly you became hyper aware of your demeanor. You gave them an apologetic smile, twiddling your thumb around the curve of your teacup.

“P-pardon my language.”

“Please continue.” Furlan said, he looked at you with intense attention. You nodded.

“Well anyways, they're uncommon, so I wouldn't stress over it too much, in my five years I've only ever come across ten, and only four out of those ten posed more threat than any other titan. That day I encountered one of those four on our way back. Upon first observation, we thought it was harmless. It slowly trailed behind our formation, but it didn’t attack. My captain sent me and another scout to fall back and take it down." Her face flashed through your mind. You felt a lump in your throat, but you continued.

"But she- the other scout I mean, was a very curious person. Instead of going for the kill like we were supposed to, she placed herself on its shoulder. She was trying to capture its attention, I suppose. She was a very capable scout, I think if it were a normal titan she could have escaped very easily. B-but then the titan did something I'd never seen before… it screamed. It let out the most blood curdling scream I'd ever heard. Even from my place on the ground, it was piercing. I had to cover my ears. But Marl- the other scout, was right at the center of it. I saw her double over, and she fell off its shoulder. Once she did, it stopped screaming, and it immediately shot its hand out and caught her. I aimed my hooks at the nape to try to go for a kill. I came in from the right side, and as I did, it turned to face me, and it screeched again. I didn't cover my ears this time, I was determined to get the kill, although the scream did stall me a bit. A-and then I killed it...after I did, I couldn't hear anything. My hearing returned slightly during my hospitalization." You took a sip of your now lukewarm tea. Your eyes had glassed over slightly.

"And that's all."

"And the other girl? What happened to her?" Isabel asked. 

"Ah...I was too slow. She didn't make it."

"O-oh… I'm sorry for askin’.'"

"Dont worry about it, it was a while ago anyways, and besides, if it was something I was adamant on not discussing, I wouldn't have answered your question at all." You gave her hand a small squeeze. 

"So please don't worry."

She nodded. And an awkward silence filled the room. 

"Your first expedition is this week right?"

"Right."

The small feeling of sorrow that had been residing in your chest had grown. You could feel it swelling inside of you. Before you knew it, you were speaking again.

"Please be careful out there. It's a very real possibility that you may die out there...this is your first expedition, so please don't take any unnecessary risk. There are factors you can't consider in your training. Your emotions, the actions of your comrades, your fears." Now your eyes were really soaked, but you didn’t allow the tears to fall, and you kept your voice steady. ”Marla and I were two very capable soldiers. We both graduated in the top ten...and our titan kill count was more than impressive, but you never know what you might encounter out there.” You were still holding Isabel's hand. You strained your throat to get these last words out without your voice cracking.“So please just tread carefully.” You finished, staring at Isabel's pale hand in yours. You looked up. They all wore somber expressions on their faces.  _ Shit.  _ The three of them were only days away from their first expedition, and here you were, pouring out all your trauma on them. It couldn’t be very reassuring. You wiped your eyes and plastered a small smile on your face.

“S-sorry, I don’t mean to scare you. Honestly since it’s your first expedition, more people are gonna be watching out for you, so as long as you stay in the formation you should be fine. It’s very unlikely that something would happen… O-oh! And apparently Erwin's going to be trying a new formation, and the goal is going to avoid as many titans as possible, which is different fro- ”

“N-no it’s fine! It’s not like we’ve never heard the risks before. Shadis always tells us worse stuff during training.” Furlan reassured you. You relaxed a bit, you knew that was true, but you still wanted to apologize for the state you were in.

“Still, there was-” Suddenly you were interrupted by a pair of long arms wrapping themselves around your shoulders. You jerked your head up to see Hange smiling down at you.

“H-Hange?” You blurted out, still surprised. “What are you doing here?”

“Just came over to check in on my friend.” They said, giving you a wink, and you couldn’t help but laugh a bit. They leaned down and gave you a small kiss on the cheek, and you scrunched your nose at the contact. You glanced back at Furlan and Levi, feeling embarrassed at Hange’s sudden display of affection. Furlan looked a little annoyed, but Levi was a completely different story.  _ Oh dear.  _ Levi must really hate Hange. If looks could kill, Hange would be dead where they stood. He stared at them with cold eyes, mouth in a hard set frown. Did their presence really annoy him that much? Thankfully, Hange didn't seem to notice, and if they did, they made no note of it. Suddenly they shifted their laser focus to the three other people sitting at the table.

“Which one of you brutes made this lovely lady cry?” You face flushed.

"Hange! I didn't cry, I only teared up a bit, and it's no ones fault but my own." Hange frowned.

"But you've never been very emotional, ________."

"I know. As cool as I am, it happens to the best of us." You responded jokingly. Hange let out a harsh laugh, and you quietly joined in.

"Well, I don't have much time, I only came to ask if you wanted to go get some drinks with me and Moblit soon. "

"I would love to. Just let me know okay?" 

They nodded happily at this and sauntered back to the door. Abruptly they stopped in their tracks and turned. 

"Bye bye, Levi!" They called back. 

Ah, so they had noticed, they just wanted to be annoying about it. You surpressed a small smile as you eyed Levi, who wore an expression of disgust on his face. A small chuckle escaped your lips, and his head shot over to your direction. You feigned ignorance, pretending to look at your nails.

You watched the heavy wooden door close behind them, and turned back to your guests. Silently, you thanked them for livening up the mood, even if it was a slight difference.

"Sorry about them, I can assure you that you guys are completely fine, so please don't feel bad...I didn't mention it, but I was quite close to the soldier that died that day."

"I'm sorry for your loss." Furlan said quietly.

"Don't be...she wouldn't wan't me to mope around about it." You said, laughing a bit. Furlan grabbed your hand into his, earning him a weird look from Levi. They were warm.

"______. Please don't worry about us. We're smart, and we're very capable of taking care of ourselves. We won't die out there." Furlan said, resolutely. 

Every bone in your body wanted to reject that statement. How could you promise that to someone? You couldn't. Promising someone something so earnestly puts heavy burden onto them. But you were tired...very tired. You decided to believe him. You smiled at him.

"Okay."

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You slammed the large dusty binder shut with a groan. After they had left, you decided to get back to updating the catalog, a task that you had been putting off for far too long. You looked at the clock. Your conversation with Isabel, Furlan, and Levi had ended around four, and now it was... eleven... _eleven?_ You gaped at the clock. That meant that you had been working for seven hours. Granted you had taken some breaks here and there, but it certainly hadn't taken up most of your time. Hell, it was almost time for your meeting with Levi. Quickly, you began navigating your way around your desk, which had somehow gotten even more cluttered since the last time you cleaned it, picking out the things that you thought you would need for the lesson, two pens, loose sheets of paper, and a small sheet that had the alphabet printed onto it. You had also picked out an old leather notebook to give to Levi, so he could practice on his own if he chose to.

After you collected all of your items, you organized them onto the long wooden table, and pulled up two wooden chairs, so that you and Levi would be sitting across from each other. Satisfied, you glanced back at the clock...eleven seventeen. _Good thing I checked the time earlier so I could prepare._ And you still had thirteen minutes to spare. You decided to get back to reading. You ran over to the romance section and pulled out one of your favorites. _'The Gentleman's Nursery'._ It was about two lovers who only knew each other by letters, for they were seperated by an 100 year old war. You had been in love with this book since you were a teenager. You slowly walked back to the couch seat as you flipped through the pages, scanning the chapter names and page numbers, looking for your favorite part. _Ah, there it is._ When they first meet each other. They meet by chance in the towns shop, but niether of them know who the other is, and they absolutely despise each other. The man thinks that the woman is far too crude for his taste, and the woman thinks the man is far too uptight. All the while, they've been writing letters professing their love to each other for the last ten months. You liked this chapter because it shows how far the couple comes in the end. The letters were reflections of the best parts of themselves, they were only showing what they wanted the other person to see, it wasn't authentic. And seeing them fall in love with the real versions of each other while slowly letting go of the ideals they held in the letters...it's satisfying.

_ "You need to watch your language, that's no way for a lady to speak." Maxwell said with distaste. _

_ "Excuse me? This isn't your conversation to stick your nose in! If you ask me, that's far more rude than anything I've ever done." Catrina retorted. _

_ "You're in a public space, you need to be respectful of those around you!" he insisted. _

_ "No one else seemed to mind except for you!" _

God, Catrina was your role model. She was everything you aspired to be. You looked down to adjust your skirt from it's uncomfortable position, and saw two unusually clean boots in front of you. _Oh, it's Levi._

"Sorry, give me a moment." you mumbled, still looking down at the page number. _O_ _ne hundered and two. I'll have to remember th-_

Suddenly Levi reached his cold hand out and grabbed your chin, and jerked it up to face him. You blinked, not quite processing what was happening. He leaned down slightly so that your faces were only inches away from each other. The sound of your heartbeat became very apparent in your ears. He looked down on you with an irked expression.

"Hey, look at me when you're speaking to me." He said in a low voice.

_ Oh dear. _

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So this is my first time writing a fic, hopefully it wasn't too rough ;v;... but yeah, any and all criticisms are welcome! I want to make this as enjoyable as possible, and I would love to read any comments :). If the first chapter was a bit slow, apologies, I was trying to lay down the setting and story, i promise the next one will be more exciting :)


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